


all the way back to me

by seaquell



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post S4, Post Season 4 Finale, Reunions, bellarke reunion, post 4x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 11:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13974489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaquell/pseuds/seaquell
Summary: He’d had 2,199 days to think about what he would say to her if he ever saw her again.Now that she’s in front of him, close enough to touch, he freezes. And says nothing.(or the Bellarke reunion goes a little bit differently)





	all the way back to me

**Author's Note:**

> I lost my way all the way to you  
> and in you I found all the way back to me.  
> (Atticus)

He’d had 2,199 days to think about what he would say to her if he ever saw her again.

Now that she’s in front of him, close enough to touch, he freezes. And says nothing.

Their friends are all taking their turns enveloping her in tight hugs and long embraces. Raven’s laughing, Monty’s crying and Bellamy’s running.

By the time someone notices his absence, he’s deep into the woods.

☾ ☾ ☾ 

It’s hours later that he hears the rustle of leaves on the ground, letting him know somebody has found him.

“It’s dangerous to be here on your own.”

Bellamy turns around sharply, coming face to face with the young girl that had hid behind Clarke’s back when they found her.

“Then what are _you_ doing here alone?” He says.

The child rolls her eyes. “I know these woods by heart, Bellamy,” she says with a fire to her voice that melts with her next words. “And I have permission.”

From Clarke?

“I’m Madi, by the way. I was really looking forward to meeting you, but I guess you were not.”

She sounds honestly disappointed and something twists in his gut. How much does this kid know about him?

“I’m Bellamy,” he says, feeling stupidly nervous.

Madi must sense his anxiety because she smiles softly, removing her backpack from her shoulders. “I brought you food, water, weapons. In case you’re not ready to come back to us yet.”

He wonders if maybe it was Clarke that gave her these things. He doesn’t deserve them. She should leave him here in the middle of nothing to fend for himself, just like he left her.

“Who are you?”

The girl smiles again, a different smile. “I’m Madi,” she says as she throws him a water bottle. “The rest you’ll have to find out from somebody else.”

Bellamy takes a few sips from the water. He feels a little bit like he’s making a deal with the devil, but he hasn’t had anything to drink since they landed, too scared to try anything the Earth offers.

“Is she mad?” He quickly feels the need to elaborate. “That I ran away.”

“She’s... upset,” Madi tells him. “She just wants to see you. She’s wanted to see you for six years.”

Guilt, his old friend, overtakes him.

“I thought she was dead. We all did,” he wants to say, but it sounds too much like an excuse in his head so he wordlessly stars walking back to their camp.

☾ ☾ ☾ 

He must’ve ran longer than he realized.

Their walk back takes over an hour and he feels even more guilty for having made a child go to a search party alone to find his sorry ass.

He makes up for it by answering Madi's every question. He doesn’t pressure her for any of the answers he wants to know, but quickly learns that she and Clarke must’ve known each other for quite some time given the amount of things she knows about him.

“How did you hide Octavia under the floor for so long? That must’ve been so horrible for the both of you!” She exclaims and Bellamy has to laugh a little despite the seriousness of the matter and the mention of his sister.

“It was definitely harder for her than it was for me,” he says, fighting back any thoughts and hopes that wake up in his mind.

“Yeah, but you sacrificied your whole life for her! Every decision you made, you had to be thinking about how that would affect her.”

Clarke’s words from one of their last conversations ring back in his head. _Every stupid thing you did, was to protect your sister. She didn't always see that, but I did._

“I wouldn’t have even come on the ground if it wasn’t for her,” Bellamy says, adding to Madi’s story.

“I’m glad you did,” she says. “I know it sounds harsh, given the things you went through. But Clarke wouldn’t have made it without you.”

His heart literally feels like it drops in his chest.

“That’s not true, Madi. I don’t know what kind of hero image Clarke’s built up about me in your head, but I’ve never been necessary,” he says tiredly. “She’s the hero. She’s proved it hundreds of times. She proved it when she saved all of us, risking her life. And I proved the opposite when I left her behind.”

“That’s what she told you to do, Bellamy!” Madi explodes, stops walking and turns to him with fire in her eyes, as if she’s been waiting to have this conversation for a thousand days. “She told you to think with your head! To save everyone, not just one person! That’s what a hero is, someone that knows when a sacrifice is needed. And there wasn’t even any sacrifice, she’s alive and healthy!”

“Why do you let your heart destroy you?” Madi looks at him so sadly, yet so deeply, unafraid of the emotion, he doesn’t even blink. She sighs. “What do you need to know, huh?”

“Is she okay?” He asks immediately.

In the rare moments in the past six years he allowed himself to believe Clarke was alive, he quickly began to obsess over the thoughts of her being entirely alone on Earth. His heart would pound, his palms would sweat and the Ark would feel smaller and smaller so he would quickly find a way to stop those thoughts.

Death was sometimes easier than hope.

“She found me and got okay. Or at least that's what she tells me. There’ve been good days and bad days, but overall there’s probably been a lot more laughter and joy than you’d imagine.”

Bellamy nods, satisfied with her answer and they start walking slowly again.

“Has she gotten hurt in any way, shape or form?”

Madi hesitates at that and Bellamy holds his breath, his hand curling into a fist.

“She... got attacked by some kind of ugly mutated animal once. We had gone far too deep into unknown territory, stupidly adventorous. It was on her before I could even get out my knife and it bit her in several places.” She stops to take a few breaths, her eyes glossing a little. “I didn’t know what to do. She has all these herbs and things she’s collected over the years, but at the time I had no idea what they were meant for.”

Because they were alone, with no one to protect them. No one to remind them to always walk with their guns out and no one to look out for them. Bellamy’s nails dig into his palm.

“The first 48 hours were a nightmare. But then, she came to consciousness and we slowly healed her together.”

“What else?” Bellamy demands.

The girl continues with a sigh. “She got sick a few months ago. Not your usual flu, though. She just wouldn’t wake up one day, no matter how much I yelled at her or pushed her. I was scared to death, pleading at her when she finally opened her eyes. And she didn’t recognize me.”

She struggles to go on, the memory clearly being too painful. Bellamy hands her the water bottle in sympathy, but doesn’t stop her from continuing.

“Clarke... who wasn’t really Clarke... attacked me and almost strangled me. She was hallucinating, her eyes so dark they were almost black. She was mentioning names I had heard from her stories before, but I couldn’t make sense of what exactly she was saying. Something else had gotten in her head.”

“What happened?” Bellamy asks. “How did you get her to calm down?”

“I knocked her out, miraculously. Tied her up to a tree. Had to listen to her call me ugly words for three days as her eyes changed crazy colors and her entire skin got an inexplicable rash. Then on the fourth day she woke up and was our Clarke again, not remembering a thing.”

“Must be from the radiation,” Bellamy says thoughtfully.

“Maybe. The weather was bad, we had almost run out of food we knew was safe for sure, and Clarke insisted I have the leftovers while she binged on some unknown berries.”

Bellamy nods, looking at the ground. His entire body feels on edge, his skin prickled.

“Hey,” Madi says, demanding his attention. “She’s okay now. And you guys are back. We’ll take care of each other.”

Bellamy nods again. He’s never letting Clarke out of his sight again. You know, after he manages to look her in the eye at least once.

“How upset is she that I left her behind?” That’s the last thing he needs to know before he sees her, he thinks. The most important one.

He doesn’t understand what’s happening when Madi takes a few steps towards him until her tiny arms wrap around him and she squeezes him in a surprisingly strong embrace. It takes him a while, just like the first time Clarke surprised him the same way, but he returns her hug with equal force.

She pulls away and looks up at him with a what he’s now calling her signature smile. “You really are a great hugger.”

Then, she begins walking again, this time with a much faster pace. “Come on! A couple more miles!”

☾ ☾ ☾ 

The sun is setting when they finally reach their makeshift camp and the sky is a more beautiful palette of colors than Bellamy remembers it being.

He hears them before he sees them, laughter and cheery voices igniting the early night.

His friends are gathered around a small fire and as Bellamy gets closer he realizes the reason for the laughter is Murphy reccounting the story of how Monty fell asleep on Emori accidentaly once and Murphy pretended to have gone back to his old horrible self for a good few hours.

The story is hilarious if you were there, but Clarke was not and despite her smile Bellamy can tell even from a distance that it’s not entirely genuine.

He promised himself he would keep cool this time, but as she notices his presence and locks eyes with him, he quickly turns to Madi.

She understands his need for a moment immediately and runs the remaining distance to Clarke, enveloping her in a tight hug. Bellamy can see the little girl say something in her guardian’s ear before sliding on the log next to her.

Now everyone’s staring at him. Some still have their smiles on, others look a little angry but mostly they seem sad.

God, he’s not prepared for this. He runs a hand through his beard nervously.

“You hungry, man?” It’s Murphy that finally breaks the silence. “We slayed a deer while you guys were gone.”

He says it so cool, like he and Madi have come home from a walk, and even if it’s fake Bellamy feels himself relax a little bit. He nods slowly, taking a couple steps closer.

“Come sit here,” Raven says, patting the empty space between her and Echo.

His spot happens to be directly across Clarke’s, the only thing separating their gazes being the fire.

He waits for the others to strike up conversation again before risking a glance up. She’s looking right at him and his heart does a not so small flip in his chest. He wants to look away, but he can’t this time. His eyes trace her face, detail by detail, taking their time.

She’s really alive, he realizes now.

And then she smiles at him. Just like that. Soft, barely noticeable by the others but oh, he sees it. Real, geniune, a smile he remembers and has seen behind closed eyelids nearly every night for the last 2,199 days.

He looks away and focuses on the food because he’s afraid he’ll stand up, go to her and do something stupid in front of everyone, brave teenagers included. His heart’s beating so fast he thinks he might pass out from the emotion combined with the high from traveling with a spaceship, fatigue, hunger and dehydration.

A couple hours later he’s almost certain it’s a conspiracy when everyone starts going to bed one by one. Sure, they’re all tired but they’re also high on adrenaline and it seems tricky how within 10 minutes it’s just him and Clarke left around the fire.

She goes somewhere for a moment as well and he disappointingly thinks he’s missed his chance again, but then she comes back with a bottle filled with some kind of red-colored beverage.

She sits back across from him and takes a long sip. He expects her to say something, but she doesn’t so he caves.

“What’s that?”

Clarke looks around. “Huh? Oh, are you talking to me?”

Bellamy smiles sheepishly, looking away. Yep, he deserved that.

She takes mercy on him, handing him the bottle, their hands dangerously close to the flames.

He takes a sip, surprised in a good way by the taste. “Wine?”

Clarke shrugs. “Post-apocalyptic Clarke-version of wine.”

Bellamy likes the Clarke-version of everything, he thinks and takes another sip before handing her the bottle back.

He licks his lips, the tingly taste of fruits still on his tongue. If she had motivation and energy to make this, she really must have not been so miserable all this time.

“Question for question?” Clarke says and he nods, although a bit precariously. “What’re you thinking about?”

Bellamy smiles softly. Already with the deep questions.

“You.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, but her cheeks flush a little, whether from the drink or not he’ll never know. “That doesn’t give me anything, Bellamy.”

He thought he’d never hear her say his name again.

“You cut your hair.”

Her empty hand flies to her hair subconsciously. “You don’t like it?”

“Didn’t say that, princess.” The nickname slips from his mouth so freely it almost surprises him given that he hasn’t used it in so long. “It’s nice. Different.”

“You have a beard,” she says, taking a sip and passing him the bottle afterward.

“You don’t like it?” He mimics her sentence, taking a sip as well. The alcohol’s slowly beginning to loosen him up, which is exactly what he needs. She played her cards well.

“It’s nice. Suits you.”

“I am a mature adult now,” he notifies her, passing the bottle back.

“Very mature,” Clarke nods, poking fun of him.

They sit in silence for a few moments and Bellamy can physically feel the ball is in his court. He gets up and sits on the log next to Clarke. She looks surprised, but also pleased.

“So we don’t have to pass the bottle over the flames,” he explains queitly and she shakes her head, smiling.

Now that they’re this close, with the next passing of the wine, he notices something on her wrist. A big red blob with teeth marks very clearly visible on each side.

“That looks painful.”

Clarke is quick to realize what he’s talking about and tugs her sleeve down, avoiding his gaze. “It was.”

“Madi told me what happened. Do you need to talk about it?”

She shrugs. “It was so long ago now. The only thing remaining is the scars.”

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

Clarke looks at him, thinks about it for a while before continuing. “It... it came out of nowhere. It was a happy kind of day and I had let my guard down. I didn’t even have a weapon on me. I was stupid and it’s entirely my fault. I wasn’t using my head.”

She sounds so dejected, he doesn’t know if he hates himself for asking or is glad she finally let that off her chest. There must’ve been so many things she had no one to discuss with.

“You know, it’s okay to have a heart every once in a while.” He hesitates for a short second before reaching out and grabbing her wrist softly. She jumps for a second but quickly relaxes as his fingers trace the scar.

“I got you for that,” Clarke whispers, sounding broken, unsure and all of the negative things he doesn’t ever want her to feel.

They sit in silence for a while, hands held tightly, the only sound being the crackling of the fire.

“I called you every day.”

Bellamy looks up at her, not understanding. “Huh?”

“On the radio. I’ve called you every single day of the past 2,199 days. More than that, I’ve spent entire days on the radio, talking to you. You’re everything-“

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, because he crushes her to his body, hands, arms and necks all going in the right places almost automatically.

“I thought you were dead,” he says softly in her ear. His mouth travels lower to place a kiss on her cheek. “I was sure you were dead and it was my fault and I hadn’t waited for you enough.”

If only he had gotten to hear her once, just once, it would have made his last six years so much easier.

“That’s what I told you to do,” she murmurs against his shoulder.

“I know, but all I cared about was that you weren’t up there with me and you were just… gone. I was numb for such a long time, Clarke.”

Her hand goes up to his hair, tangling in the curls. They’ve never hugged quite like this before, with so much passion and desperation.

“When you ran away today… that hurt.”

Bellamy swallows, kissing her cheek again. “I’m sorry, princess. I wasn’t prepared.”

Clarke laughs softly. “Prepared for what? It’s just me.”

“I was so convinced you were dead, when I saw you, I… all I could think about was how I betrayed you and I assured myself that you hated me.”

Clarke turns away from his embrace a little bit to look at him. “That’s stupid.” She kisses the corner of his mouth, her eyes wild and hazy. “And impossible.”

“My head must’ve been somewhere else.” Bellamy looks her in the eyes for a second to find the reassurance he already knows is there before pressing his lips to hers.

It’s soft, but persistent. Passionate, yet slow. It feels familiar and new at the same time.

They separate when she moves to straddle him, getting as close to him as humanly possible. He chuckles, his face flushing even more. "Brave princess.”

“Yeah. So brave. Didn’t take me long at all,” she says sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “I’m not second-guessing anything with you anymore. I can’t risk losing you because I’m afraid of feelings.”

He pulls her in for another long kiss, his hands tight around her waist. “ _Now_ you’re using your heart.”

“Well, that’s what’s mostly used in love, isn’t it?”

Her gentle smile, her nails softly scratching at the nape of his neck, her choice of words. Not only is Clarke alive and well, but she is _with him_.

Time and distance somehow brought them closer instead of tearing them apart.

He burrows his head in her neck and leaves a trail of kisses up to her ear. “Now... is there a way to hear those messages?”


End file.
